Divided.

Today I found out how badly twisted and divided my inside is... and how easily I am influenced by small and usually stupid things.

Today at some stage my thoughts were something like this:

I don´t want to get up. I don´t want to go to school. I lack motivation. I hate school. I am at the wrong place. I don´t like people. Ok, I do like some. I am not interested in anything or anyone. There is just nothing. I want to sleep. My head is aching. It is still aching. I cannot do anything. I wouldn´t even know what I liked to do. Because I am not interested. I feel lonely.

Enough?

Well, this was pretty much it. Until I talked with a friend and got a sudden inspiration (see: just insane) to send her a parcel with stuff. So I started to cut and glue etc. to make a book. To make a book??!?!? when I should be going to work or should be reading for Fridays exam.. no, I start handcrafts, rejoice.

I was just so happy, that I felt even slightly excited of something that I didn´t care of anything else...

Then I went to work, got back. And my mum called and I complained about this all... had a shower (how interesting) and started to cook, oat porridge, yam yam. While I was cooking I started reading and I noticed that it was actually interesting what I read. And again: suddenly my life was brighter again.

Am I ambivalent or what? Disturbed? Unbalanced? Searching for my personalitys limits? Or what is going on in here?

I cannot control myself. Praise God that He can.

(Control me, not himself. Though He can that also. But that was not the point here.)

My sister and I. Beauty anfdthe beast. Or simply two beasts :D this time. This is what comes out of vacation with your family... No wonder.